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Friday, June 24, 2016

Happy Summer! From Orion the Dog Blogger

HAPPY SUMMER DUDES AND DUDETTES!  It’s me, Orion, the only four-legged LoBiondo.  As you know, my mom only let’s me blog at the beginning of every season (BTW, I am looking for paw-ssible legal representation to negotiate a better deal for me.  Funny, no one wants to negotiate for you when both your parents are lawyers.  But I digress).  SUMMER is my very favorite season!!!  Along with Fall, Winter and Spring.  And Mud, that’s my favorite too but Mom says it’s not a season. I don’t know why not, it’s so much fun.  Anywhos, SUMMER means Family Time!!!  My brothers will have time to throw me the frisbee and my tennis ball.  There will be swimming in the creek in my backyard, and there will be lots of barbecues on the back deck -- and I know exactly which relatives will sneak me treats under the table (Ha!  Even my Mom doesn’t know and she never will!)

    This summer my younger brother will be going to Rowing Camp at the Newburgh Rowing Club, as usual. He is 12 now but he was their very first camper at age 7!!!  My parents were so worried about him they drove down to the River on their lunch hour and stood at Gully’s to watch him kayaking by.  They tried to pretend they weren’t there but Big Coach always spotted them and called them out on his megaphone, hahaha!! Good times!!  And I’ve been around so long that I will be a camp counselor at the rowing club summer camp, along with my older brother.  Yes!! Can’t wait to get my hat and whistle.  Wait, what’s that?  Oh come on, Mom, not againnnnn!!! Okay.  Correction.  Apparently, once again I will not be a camp counselor at the rowing club.  However, Mom said I can have a hat and whistle!!!  Which will come in handy because I am the Captain of the Neigh-Boar-Hood Watch group.  Which consists of yours truly and my beloved, Abby the Beagle up the street.  We are so busy paw-trolling in the summer it’s CRAZY TOWN! Just the other day I had to chase down and forcibly remove a brazen surly dangerous woodchuck.  And the deer -- who do they think they are -- eating Mom’s petunias??  Yes, I am that good, I can chase down and nip a deer in the ankles.  But the real paw-trol work comes from chasing those evil rats with furry tails.  Those no good squirrels!   don’t even get me started.  Go right ahead buddy, run up that tree after STEALING from the bird feeder.  I can wait here all day!  Until I get hungry, then you know, Mom puts chicken drippings on my dog chow so … Pry-Or-It-Eez!
    I can’t wait for all our vacations this Summer.  We are going to Maine, the Dominican Republic, and the Adirondacks!!!  I’m already packed and I don’t even need a Passport!  Wait, what?  Mommmm!  Aaargh, once again Mom says I’m not going on the first two trips.  Well, that’s unfortunate because I love the beach and I may have to do a little tinkle on the Oriental rug right now to express my dissatisfaction.  No, no, my inner Jiminy Cricket say that would be wrong.  To tinkle or not to tinkle?  See, this is why I need representation!!!
    That’s Ok because I will get to stay with my grandparents and their dog, Magoo, this Summer during vacations!  I call him Goo for short.  And he calls me Orion (he’s not that good with coming up with nicknames).  Me and the Goo have so much fun.  I can relax over there because really, Grandma doesn’t care about the fat woodies and evil squirrels eating her shrubs and stuff.  She actually likes woodchucks.  So you know I don’t have to paw-trol as much.   The Goo has that covered anyway.  I gotta give it to the big lug he has the bark of a Lion!!  But sometimes, I’m just like DUDE, Turn up for What Already, it’s just the paperboy!  See, I am a lot more chill at Goo’s house.  I take a lot of naps, eat a lot of treats and when we’re not napping in the yard, Goo and I like to watch the Animal Channel.  Those monkeys are something else!!!
    My mom always gets excited about the Summer because she doesn’t have to make my brothers’ ginormous lunches the night before.  Then she realizes she still has to make them bag lunches for rowing camp and the thrill is kind of gone on that one.  Mom likes to row as much as she can in the summer and boy does she!! She even goes down to the rowing camp during the day and rows with the kids!  And Dad loves to sail his sailboat in the Summer.  Guess what??  I am an Ace # 1 First Mate!  I love going on the sailboat and letting the breeze run through my ears while we cut across the Hudson River.  Life is good!  The only thing that would make it better … if I could bring my friends Abigail and Goo on board the Sailboat.  See what I’m saying, this is why I need representation!!!
    Well, gotta wrap it up here.  You have no idea how exhausting it is type when you don’t have opposable thumbs.  That’s why those monkeys are so lucky.  They should really start their own blog oh HEY GOTTA GO -- SQUIRRELLLLLLLLL …….
    Signed - Orion LoBiondo, Special Guest Blogger