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Friday, March 25, 2016

The Best Place to Hide Stuff

This is the sad but true story of how moms have to hide certain things from their families.  No, I’m not talking about the Neiman Marcus bill for a pair of Manolo Blahniks.  Maybe 15 years ago.  This is much more serious.  I am talking about the home office supplies.  

It’s not just moms, this is for any household member who suffers from “I buy lots of pens but my family takes them all, leaving me with nothing to write with” syndrome.  You know that moment -- when you go to write out a check for the kids’ sports fees, sign a school permission slip or engage in the basic act of writing a Thank You letter -- and you discover that, despite having literally bought dozens of pens from Target recently, there is NOT ONE PEN in the house!  You go to cut a permission slip in half -- but there is not a pair of scissors anywhere (Yes, I did just buy a 3-pack of scissors, but even as I handed it over to the cashier I had a sinking feeling I would never see them again after I left the store).  Scotchtape -- what do they even need it for?  Is there a secret bunker in the house somewhere with all my home office supplies?
Really.  I know I’m not alone here.  It’s not quite serious enough to form a support group but it’s annyoing enough for me to feel the need to blog about it.  Will this shame my family into leaving me ONE pen, ONE pair of scissors or ONE roll of scotch tape?  I doubt it.  I am looking at my “pencil cup” right now.  Just recently I stocked up on beautiful pink pens, pink highlighters, and pink scissors.  Thinking this would deter the three men/ men-in-training in my home from walking off with them.  Au contraire.  Do you know what is in there now?  Two STUBBY pencils, one of which has no eraser.  A dried out highlighter.  A pencil sliced in half LENGTHWISE (who does this to a poor defenseless pencil? How does one even accomplish this?).  And some weird thing that I cannot identify -- maybe a dry board eraser?
It goes something like this.  The kids need a pen, so they grab one from what seems to be the UNLIMITED bucket-o-pens, use it for homework once, and toss it somewhere.  Or take it to school and trade it for tater tots.  Actually, I have no idea.  Maybe I have pen gremlins.  Apparently, the pen gremlins have gremlin friends who like scissors and scotch tape.  I note that the gremlins never venture into the laundry room but that’s another story for another day.
At the time of this blog, one of my kids would like me to write out a check for some crew team stuff.  Luckily for him, I do have ONE pen.  It’s in my Mickey Mouse fanny pack -- you know, the one that is SOOOO embarrassing, Mom.  Fortunately, it’s so embarrassing that no one will unzip it and take anything out.  Thus, that is the one place I can find chapstick, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, tissues, spare change, a ponytail holder, a spare phone charger, a PEN, and two 7/16 wrenches.  You know, all the essentials in life. At least for this Rower and Crew Mom.  
They’re scalliwags, these men/ men in training of mine.  But I love them dearly and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  (Wait til they go to find a pair of matching socks -- wink wink)
Have a great day, everyone and, as always, Remember to Count Your Blessings! <3 Mrs. Lo